Not to complain,
o body o' mine,
but I'm tired of pain
and would like to feel fine.
----
I was patient and submissive about it for twelve years, complaining rarely and telling few people. Somehow I just can't handle it anymore. No cure...no helpful pain remedies...missed days of work...missed social events...missed service opportunities...and a biological guarantee that it's going to hit me again and again and again...never knowing quite when...but just knowing it's going to happen...a pain so uncontrollable you can only go through it....no stopping or ignoring it...just wrapping your arms around its fierce angry body while your brain screams louder and louder at you "I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!" The pain laughing in response, "Oh yeah? Well you're gonna...againandagainandagain..."
I hate this part of my life and have lost my ability to cope. Hope is fled like a startled spider scrambling back into the shadows of its web. I know of a woman who killed herself because of it. I'm not suicidal...but oh, how I understand that level of desperation. I just don't know what to do.
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