Waiting

is hard.

I never thought mincemeat could sound so tempting

I learned when I was three that the place where ink and paper meet is magic.  You don't need an old Uncle Andrew Ketterley to send you to another world, you just need a good book.  The problem is, all the best books have moments where the characters eat food.  This never used to bother me - I even sometimes skipped scenes where a bunch of food was described because they bored me.  But then I was told there was all this food I couldn't eat...and when you abstain from something, that thing becomes so much more important to you.

recurring pain

Not to complain, 

o body o' mine,

but I'm tired of pain

and would like to feel fine.

----

I was patient and submissive about it for twelve years, complaining rarely and telling few people. Somehow I just can't handle it anymore.  No cure...no helpful pain remedies...missed days of work...missed social events...missed service opportunities...and a biological guarantee that it's going to hit me again and again and again...never knowing quite when...but just knowing it's going to happen...a pain so uncontrollable you can only go through it....no stopping or ignoring it...just wrapping your arms around its fierce angry body while your brain screams louder and louder at you "I can't do this anymore.  I can't do this anymore.  I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!"  The pain laughing in response, "Oh yeah?  Well you're gonna...againandagainandagain..."

I hate this part of my life and have lost my ability to cope.  Hope is fled like a startled spider scrambling back into the shadows of its web. I know of a woman who killed herself because of it.  I'm not suicidal...but oh, how I understand that level of desperation.  I just don't know what to do.

My life, defined.

Congrats?

Is it good to get married at 21-years-old?

I'm not the person to say,

but,

I know that I am SO GLAD I didn't marry the boy I liked when I was 21.

Or 22.

Or 23.

Etc.

I'm okay with being 30 and single.  So okay that it kind of freaks me out when my much younger loved ones get married much younger...

Ashes to Ash Wednesday

And 30 I turn.

Christianity according to John Piper

(Warning to any conservative readers: it gets crude at around 2:00 minutes.)

Enmeshed?

Well...perhaps we are.

Poetry in (slow) motion.

I like to do things fast.  Carpool lane.  Audubon. Speed.  Ya know.
I don't like getting behind a blue-hair driving a beetle.
The same applies to personal growth; there's no reason it should take years...
right? Riiiiiiight.
But when you drive to your destination, all you get to see is the bumper of the guy in front of you.
When you walk, you get a chance to see the flowers growing out of the sidewalk cracks. 

Christ(like)

Japanese Proverb

Fall 7 times, get up 8.